Would you like some feedback on your work?

Maybe you’ve got a colleague who’s always talking over you in zoom meetings. Or a team member whose inappropriate comments on Slack have to be addressed. Or an employee who’s been underperforming since they’ve been working at home.

If you’ve got a conversation like this that you’ve been planning (or avoiding), chances are that you’re expecting it to be tough. Now add the challenge of remote work, virtual communication, and the myriad stresses of a global pandemic and the task seems even more challenging.

I often speak and teach classes on the topic of difficult conversations in the workplace, and I’m a passionate believer in the value of interpersonal feedback. An organizational culture of feedback, where feedback is frequent, specific and incorporates both positive and negative elements has been proven to drive productivity, team cohesion, and feelings of belonging and inclusion.

But more importantly, as I like to say, “the Conversation is the Relationship:” our careers, organizations, relationships – our lives – happen one conversation at a time. If the relationship is troubled, chances are the conversations we’re having within it are too. Sharing feedback and doing it well create the possibility of change in relationship dynamics – at home and at work.

When we withhold difficult feedback about unwanted behaviour, we not only allow the behaviour to continue, but our own irritation to fester. As our frustration mounts, we risk inadvertently betraying it, either through passive aggressive comments or sudden outbursts of anger. In a feedback culture, candour can be the habit that checks such explosions.

But giving difficult feedback is, well, difficult. Add the challenge of remote work, virtual communication, and the myriad stresses of a global pandemic and the task seems exponentially more challenging.

I recently spoke at OMERS’ global leaders forum – where their leaders came together to explore how they could approach upcoming performance reviews in a way that is both candid and empathetic. Here are some of the ideas we discussed.

• Make it a habit. For feedback conversations to be really effective, they need to be short, frequent and regular. In a ‘feedback culture’, where the habit is really embedded, the performance review becomes much less necessary, or when it occurs, the stakes are lower with fewer surprises. I like to tee this up by saying, “Here’s my in-the-moment feedback” and then sharing an honest opinion on how something has gone.
• Praise the good. Positive feedback, or what I think of as “authentic appreciation” is easy to neglect. Not only does acknowledging successes (large and small) reinforce the good, but it also creates a space where it wouldn’t be unreasonable to share constructive criticism, too.
• Be intentional: The water cooler encounters that we once took for granted offered opportunities for casual exchanges about successes and challenges. Without these passing interactions, feedback has to be deliberate and mindful.
• Address facts and feelings. In conversations about performance, a review model can provide a structure for sharing facts, which are important, but don’t forget the other f-word. Feelings are almost always triggered in conversations where the stakes feel high. In a crisis, anxiety, anger, and fear can lead to blame, defensiveness, and irrationality, which worsen when we’re isolated. So, clear the way for a productive discussion, by being prepared to receive the emotions of others and work to control your own emotions when things get tense.
• Create Co-Presence. Remote work lacks the same human connection as the office environment, so when using video, try to replicate the feeling of being together. Look at your camera when possible to create the feeling of eye contact. Stay present by reducing distractions. Ensure that the conversation is not one way but has space for dialogue. And express care and concern throughout.

Given that we are likely to be working apart for a while, being intentional about giving feedback is key to strengthening working relationships. Constructive and honest discussions about their performance, progress, roadblocks, and concerns make employees feel valued and motivated. These conversations offer not only a chance to strengthen relationships and culture but offer an opportunity for everyone to look beyond today and focus forward, to a future when we can again have conversations – relaxed or difficult – face to face.