When it comes to building cultures of inclusion, what I hear most often from leaders is “I want to get better at talking about these things.” Engaging in dialogue about diversity, equity, and inclusion can be one of the most important things a leader can do to foster feelings of inclusion with their teams. So why is everyone so skittish about these conversations? There are plenty of reasons. But the common themes are these: we worry about getting it wrong, saying something “incorrect”, inadvertently giving offense or causing pain.
The challenge is to create open and productive discussions where people feel comfortable about speaking up about their needs, experiences, and perspectives, and are open to learning.
Here are a few ideas about how to do it:
Assume positive intent.
Recognize and acknowledge that everyone is at different stages of their learning journey and is likely doing the best they can. Assume that people mean well (unless they clearly don’t). Embrace the idea that talking will create the opportunity for something good.
Engage in dialogue, not debate.
Dialogue is open-ended. Shift your focus to expressing your perspective and learning from others. You’re there to learn, not to win.
Acknowledge the discomfort.
Admit that sharing honestly requires risk and that this can be uncomfortable.
Share of yourself.
You can’t ask for authenticity and vulnerability from your employees without also sharing of yourself. It will be easier for employees to be themselves and say what’s on their mind, if you’ve modeled this behaviour. Being authentic and open allows you to build trust and create a psychologically safe environment.
Own your mistakes.
You can be a highly competent and respected leader and still make mistakes. In fact, sharing your mistakes can make you more approachable.
Be present.
Holding a safe space requires balance and calm. Use silence, and don’t rush to fill it, or to jump into problem-solving.
Stay curious.
Open questions that start with Tell me, How, and What are usually good in these circumstances. For example, “Tell me how things are going,” “How are you?” or “What’s been going on for you?” Note: “What” vs “why” questions open the conversation and minimize defensiveness.
Listen to understand.
The main barrier to listening isn’t usually ambient noise, or external distractions. The main barrier is usually the listener’s thinking, problem-solving, or rehearsing responses. Put your ego, assumptions, and views aside and listen to understand and learn.
Manage defensiveness.
When we engage in nuanced conversations about DEI issues, tensions can arise. Address resistance by acknowledging the concern, expressing empathy, and probing to understand – all before answering and checking back. Following these steps can go a long way in defusing defensiveness.
These conversations may not be easy, and they’re not likely to be comfortable. But a little preparation and forethought can help to mitigate the dread, and remember, discomfort is not the same as fear.
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