Virtual Meetings: Beat the Loneliness of Social Distance

Photo: Annie Spratt

If you’re reading this from your laptop on your dining room table, the living room couch, or in bed, you’re likely one of the thousands now working from home amid the spread of COVID-19. Notwithstanding the many challenges of suddenly having to work amidst the chaos of domestic life with pets, children, and the refrigerator all calling for your attention, for many people, the jolt of suddenly working in isolation is the one that’s most jarring.

Enter the virtual meeting. Whether it’s on zoom, GoToMeeting, Webex or other, chances are you’re getting familiar with the technology. Last week I had my first online gathering in this new, socially distant era. There was wine involved. Also tears, profanity and laughter. No, my first zoom chat wasn’t with our team or clients. I got screen to screen with three close friends for a virtual glass of wine. One was under quarantine after international travel, and the rest of us under self-imposed home isolation.

After the madness of the week that just passed, it was a wonder to see their beautiful faces. I almost wept with relief and joy.

I realized how, in a few short days when all aspects of our lives have been upended, it’s the sudden and stark limits placed on our social interactions that is the most disorienting. As social creatures we crave community and connection and a sense of belonging; never more than in times of stress. So, for those among us who are accustomed to going to work each day, and spending 8 hours among other humans, the shock can be profound.

While the idea of working at home in pajama pants may once have held a certain allure, you may now be surprised to notice that you miss that Patricia from two desks over who always talks too loudly on the phone about her personal life, or feel nostalgic for last week’s meeting where Antony from marketing constantly interrupted you.

Physical distancing comes with a cost; many of us are struggling with the emotional impact of seclusion. The stress of isolation can lead not only to anxiety and depression, but to a host of health problems. Imposed separation runs counter to what thousands of years of evolution has hard-wired us to do when under duress: to come together and support each other as families, friends and communities. To look into each other’s eyes, as we talk, listen and comfort each other. The impulse to band together has been key to our survival.

When it comes to working remotely, maintaining human connection is challenging, but if you have a computer and wifi, not impossible. Media richness theory states that face-to-face interactions are the “richest” form of communication, as they allow us to make meaning not just through words, but through body language and voice. In person communication is best, but a phone call is better than an email, and a video chat is better than a phone call.

In other words, your video meeting offers an opportunity for vital human connection. Don’t squander it. Instead of dreading the tedium of meetings past, here are some ideas about how to make the best use of your virtual human-time.

1. Use video: Video discourages everyone from multitasking, but it also forges connection. It’s the richest form of communication available to us right now. It’s powerful to see the faces of your co-workers, and to be reminded that everyone is still out there. Waiting it out. Just like you.
2. Wear pants. (Enough said. Who knows, you may have to stand up.)
3. Open early: If you’re the organizer, allow access to the meeting 15 minutes early. Before a face to face meeting there is pre-meeting chat. Build in the social interaction that everyone needs right now.
4. Welcome everyone as they join the call. Take a moment to check in with each person.
5. See each other: Make sure that faces are visible. The medium will be richer if people can see each other’s facial expressions and body language. Invite people to cozy up to their webcam to create the intimacy of an in-person meeting.
6. Meeting basics: Send out materials in advance, documents, PowerPoint, etc. Make sure that people have the material they need to engage in discussion, rather than treating this time together as a one-way presentation. Set an agenda, have clear objectives and remind everyone of these as the call begins.
7. Be present: Focus on others. Really listen to what is being said – not to prepare your response, but to understand the meaning of what’s being said. Notice body language and tone of voice.
8. Be patient: Technology doesn’t always work as expected and for those who aren’t fluent in it, there will be a learning curve. Kids or pets might intrude. It’s ok. Everyone is juggling.
9. Use people’s names: We each respond immediately and unconsciously to the sound of our own name. Using people’s names keeps people engaged and helps generate feelings of belonging.
10. Practice Inclusive communication: Allow opportunities for everyone to speak. The practice of virtually “going round the table” to ensure that all voices are heard is especially important in virtual meetings. This is key to engaging introverts or those who are otherwise inclined to hold back. If someone is dominating or interrupting, acknowledge their positive intent to contribute, and politely remind them to give space for other voices.

Working at home is only one of the many challenges brought about by the astonishing moment we’re in. There’s now an opportunity for us all to see with fresh eyes just who we are to each other. To gain a new understanding of how imperative our connections are, of how quickly we’ve come to miss the daily human interactions that we’ve always taken for granted. Online video gives us the next best thing to being together, to share ideas, to solve problems, to maintain morale through a difficult time. We can draw strength from each other’s faces and expand our workspace beyond our dining room table.